Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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