you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
