Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize
