My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
