I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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