Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
