i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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