i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
