I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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