mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
