It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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