I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize