please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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