You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
