yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
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so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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