I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
