My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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