An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
