Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
