Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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