I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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