I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
