went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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