if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
