i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
