Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
