Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
