I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
