I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
