Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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