i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
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I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
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You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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