I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
