Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
