My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
