Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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