Will you blow on my dice?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
