Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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