Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
