I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
