I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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