At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
