Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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