Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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