Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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