we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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