Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
