You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
