Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
