I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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