Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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