my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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