I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
