you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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