feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
