Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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