Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
