never play flip cup with pint glasses
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
