He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
