I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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