WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he was CRYING into my vagina
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
