a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
this must be what syphilis tastes like
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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