the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
