Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
