We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
As shirtless as possible
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
