Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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