You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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