So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
