You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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