We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
