My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
