dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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