Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I could make wine with my vomit
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
